The Honing of Hope

Hope is a hero born in the fiery crucible of challenge, and refined by the abrasive edges of adversity.

I recently read Dr. Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting: Raising Children with Courage, Compassion, and Connection. It is a well-thought-out guide for parents of any background. Her work teaches that hope is more than a mere sentiment; it is built through struggle and striving. Dr. Brown, a shame researcher, is well known for her research on vulnerability, courage, and empathy. One quote that has been running around my mind rent-free is, “Hope is a function of struggle.” This simple yet powerful statement captures a truth that I often overlook in my own life. I think we all do.

She discusses how, in our eagerness to protect our children from struggle, we inadvertently rob them of the tenacity. These uncomfortable experiences foster this tenacity. When we intervene too quickly, we tear at their hopefulness. We do the same thing with ourselves; we reach a certain point and believe we are entitled to avoid discomfort. This only stagnates growth.

Struggle and hope dance upon the horizon of the soul. Struggle is the catalyst, the necessary friction that stirs hope into flame, lighting the way forward. A reminder that we are not wandering aimlessly in the dark. We are being forged and reshaped. We are awakened to what we become through the refining fire of resilience.

The sapling must endure shorter days and longer nights as the seasons pass by. It also faces ever-changing winds before it grows into a mighty oak.

Struggle is the stone that grinds against our edges, not to erode us but to refine us.

Through adversity, hope does not simply appear as a wishful thought or pleasant daydream. No, hope is tempered. Like steel, it is made resilient by heat. It is molded by the hammering of challenge and quenched to perseverance.

Each trial hones us, shaping new strength and a fresh perspective, revealing a resilience we never knew we had. If we allow it, if we but press against the stone, we will be polished, refined by hardship. Becoming rooted and grounded in an unshakable understanding of our capacity to withstand the winds.

Under the bark, such sticky sap.

It is through vulnerability that we first allow ourselves to touch the raw edge of hope. To lean into struggle with open, honest hands. To face our shadows without flinching. This requires the very courage from which true hope is born. We can not be afraid to fail, but we can fall forward. Dr. Brené Brown describes this place as “the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” It is also the crucible where our deepest fears and failures must come to light. Vulnerability says, “I will let this moment of struggle be the soil in which hope takes root.” In doing so, we become open to healing, change, and growth.

Struggle and hope are partners in the ancient dance of purpose and meaning. When we examine our lives, the difficulties can feel barren. Dark passages seem like soil too hard and stony to yield anything beautiful. But in that very soil, meaning takes root, quietly, steadily. Each hard-won lesson is a seed of wisdom. These lessons show us that life’s harsh moments are where our inner strength grows. Over time, we realize that these struggles are not simply detours but the very pathways through which our life blooms. Post Tenebras Lux – After Darkness, Light.

From Suffering comes Sight.

Consider a moment of deep challenge in your life. Not a current challenge, one already completed. Perhaps it was a time when the metaphorical ground felt unsteady, when fear or self-doubt pressed too close.

Can you recall the resilience you found, or that found you?

Did you learn or gain for yourself from that trial?

This type of reflection reveals that hope was not just a reward waiting at the end of our journey. We carry it with us, as a steady companion, available even in our darkest moments.

“Hope is a function of struggle” reminds us all not to mindlessly step onto easy street. Each difficulty we remove for ourselves or our children poses a risk to hope. To strip away the tenacity that such an adversity imparts. We tear off the fruit before it is ripe, stealing from the harvest of hope.

What Even is Honing?

Honing is the process of refining or perfecting something through meticulous and repeated effort. Historically, it originates from the practice of sharpening tools, symbolizing the pursuit of precision and excellence. In a broader sense, it is the continuous improvement of skills or abilities through a dedicated practice.

For someone with my machining background, honing also recalls the image of those oil-covered hours. My back was ever so slightly bent over. I stroked to achieve tight tolerance bores. Making sure the entire surface area cleaned up, leaving behind a pristine finish. The reward for such labor included small cuts to the hands and a very sore back. There was also a rancid smell that no matter how aggressive your detergent, a faint hint always remained.

Honing is the struggle; the hint of honing oil forever staining is hope.

How Can We Hone Hope?

Honing is not fast, fun, or easy. Neither is life. I marked a few key words with bold lettering in the above ‘What Even is Honing?’ I believe these apply to honing hope as well. Hard work, like honing is not so much difficulty as it is a consistent, meticulous, and repeated effort.

In practice, we can hone hope by setting our sights on small victories, tangible targets. We can write down reachable milestones, measurable goals. We should ask for the support of others who walk beside us. They can help us be accountable to our own action items.

We must be like gardeners tending new growth. We water hope by treating ourselves with compassion. We give ourselves room to rise, without shame or haste. We must also prune the branches that are not bearing fruit. Tall trees take time.

Hope, our sister, asks us to view struggle differently. She wants us to see it not as an obstacle, but as an invitation. It’s a call to action, and once the soil is ready, we can cultivate something enduring and fruitful.

Each new trial is an opportunity to grow wiser, stronger, and more hopeful.

Hope is not some distant star but a lamp we carry. It lights each step along the way. Its flame is fed by every moment of struggle that we have dared to face.

So, let us struggle to shine a brighter light on the path ahead, for ourselves and others.

“The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests”

-Epictetus